March Madness

There's nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway. 


Thanks to some inspiration from my friend Vickie over at the Ramblings of a TwentySomething, March will be a month of slight madness for me. She posted some goals to make healthy choices for the month of March, and invited readers to join in any/all of her goals. I've decided to set two goals of my own: one for physical health, and one for mental health. 


March will be a month of "dailies" for me: 

• A personal challenge to move each day (could be a run, walk, hike, class at the Y, anything -- I just have to move!), and 
• A daily blog challenge

Now that I'm consistent about blogging blessings, I'd like to become more consistent in actually blogging. Some days simply lack inspiration for me, but perhaps if there was a prompt, I would find myself writing more. Hence, the 30 Day Blog Challenge, which I will begin posting tomorrow, so that I finish up on March 31st: 


Day 01 — A favorite song
Day 02 — A favorite movie
Day 03 — A favorite TV show
Day 04 — A favorite book
Day 05 — A favorite quote
Day 06 — A fun fact about me
Day 07 — A favorite photo
Day 08 — Something I crave
Day 09 — Pet peeves
Day 10 — A photo of me taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of me taken recently
Day 12 — Something I bought recently
Day 13 — Something I want to buy
Day 14 — An old photo
Day 15 — My celebrity crush
Day 16 — A favorite food
Day 17 — A photo of my family
Day 18 — A baby photo
Day 19 — A fun memory
Day 20 — A hobby of mine
Day 21 — A favorite recipe
Day 22 — A favorite joke
Day 23 — A video
Day 24 — A travel story
Day 25 — A favorite photo
Day 26 — A funny (true) story
Day 27 — A child I love
Day 28 — A place I love
Day 29 — A person I love
Day 30 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days


We'll see how it goes! 


In personal news, tomorrow is my mother's last chemo treatment! I am thrilled, relieved, and anxious. This past round was very difficult for her, and though I know this is the last one she has to go through, it is still going to be heartbreaking to watch her deal with the side effects. It'll be the last meeting of the Chemo Girls (and Guy), which is definitely cause for celebration! 


Blessing #120: Crock Pot
Recently I've discovered the amazingness of the Crock Pot. Dump all of the ingredients into the pot, put the cover on, plug the Crock Pot in, set it on low, and come back in 6-8 hours to find dinner ready. Incredible! First of all, it makes what can easily be the most hectic part of my day much smoother, and also I look like a much more capable cook than I am. Bonus: the house smells delicious all day long! 

♥

Kindness Counts.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 


Now more than ever before, I've begun to understand how important it is to be as kind as you can to everyone you meet...

You never know if that's the day they found out their mother has Stage III cancer.
Or the day their father got laid off after 24 years at the same company.
Or the day they should have been in their classroom, welcoming back their students from Winter Break; instead they have dropped everything to move home.
Or the day they are moving away from the life they've built over the past 2 1/2 years.
Or the day before they take a loved one for a round of chemotherapy; to sit and watch for 3 hours as chemicals so harsh they would burn through the laminate floors are pumped into her veins.
Or the day they watched that loved one stay in bed for an entire day, exhausted from fighting a battle with her own body's cells.
Or the day they first saw their loved one completely bald, when usually she has a head full of thick, strawberry blond hair.
Or the day they watch their mother cry because everything tastes like dirt and she is always tired.

...You just never know. Maybe they are getting ready for this:

Another afternoon of chemo.

All I know is that when someone who gives an extra smile or genuine "hello" when I am out and about now, I feel it's warmth more than I ever have before. When you and your family are fighting this kind of battle, every sweetness is an incredible encouragement. So many of our daily tasks are overwhelming and exhausting. 

If I am going through this, who knows what others are facing daily! Even problems I might consider "easy" to bear at this point in my life can be huge obstacles for other people. I feel compelled to be more aware of others and trying to affect them in a positive way -- no matter how our lives intersect -- because I know how much I am impacted by the kindness of others right now. Especially the kind texts, notes, and chats from my friends. 

Be kind. We never know. 

Blessing #117: Chemo Girls (and Guys)

Every 21 days, my two aunts, my dad, and I escort my mom to chemotherapy. We set up our chairs, bring out her cozy "chemo-blanket," chat with the nurses, and settle in for the next 3 hours. Now that I'm home, Chemo Girls has expanded to include my brother and nephew, whom we bring into the room via Skype. We tease my mom as the "loopy" pills kick in and her eyelids begin to flutter. My dad makes his trip to get us all coffee. We chat and laugh and read magazines. I see many people there by themselves, and I feel so blessed... that we have a group there to support my mom. 

♥ 

Faith. Hope. Family.

If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them.  When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope?  We have two options, medically and emotionally:  give up, or fight like hell. 


It's been a long, long, looooooong time. So much has happened. I became an Auntie in August, and am completely smitten with my nephew. He lives thousands of miles away, but through the amazing technologies available, we are able to Skype and see him a few times a week. He is beyond precious, but thankful he hasn't set my biological clock to ticking! 


The biggest event to happen in my family to date; however, came in October. We found out that my mother has breast cancer. Initially we believed it to be a benign tumor, but after further testing and surgeries, it was upgraded to Stage III. I can't begin to describe the affect that 6-letter word has on a family. I'm not sure I can even try to explain all the emotions I felt after the diagnosis. All I know is one night, after lying there unable to sleep, I sat up in bed and realized that I had to move home. There was no way I would let my mother would go through this while I lived hours away, unable to help. 


I began making the necessary arrangements to move home. Thankfully I had a student teacher this past year who graduated in December; she was able to stay on as my long-term sub during my Family and Medical Leave of Absence. My roommate and I quickly found someone to take my lease, and one of my best friends flew out to help me pack all of my belongings in a U-haul. We drove just under 12 hours in the rain to get me home where I belonged. I've been home with my mom since December. 


Many things about the move were difficult. Hopefully this does not seem selfish, but uprooting my life and not leaving Phoenix on "my terms"--at the end of the year, after ample time for goodbyes to my friends and colleagues--proved to be emotional for me. Of course I knew that I was making the absolute best decision possible and I would forever regret staying in Phoenix instead of coming home. This didn't stop me from feeling incredibly sad when I left, and doesn't keep me from having moments now when I wish I were there. 


Mostly, though, I am very grateful to be here. Spending time with my mom--reading, watching movies, walking, making smoothies, and even just cleaning while she sleeps--is a precious gift. To be able to help Skype my brother and nephew into the chemo room every twenty-one days while she is hooked up to I.V.'s for three hours... That makes me happy. Plenty of moments arise when I wonder if I'm doing this whole caretaker thing right. Am I nudging her enough to live "normally?" (Is there such a thing as "normal" in the context of cancer?!) Should I back off more? Am I feeding her the right foods? Is any of this right?! And then my wonderful aunt pointed out that this is a journey unique to my mother and our family. Sure there are plenty of books written to serve as guides for patients and families facing the battle against cancer, but no one can tell us exactly what our journey will be like. We have to do whatever is right for us. I decided that this is my litmus test for whether my actions are "right": If I am choosing this action from a place of love for my mother (and not a place of obligation or worry), then it is right. That's all I can do. Love her. Support her. Read her to sleep. Make her a smoothie in the blender. Watch seemingly endless episodes of Nate Berkus with her. 


And, I can run a half marathon in her honor. Which I did, almost a month ago! On January 16th, I ran 13.1 miles with an incredible friend at my side. We wore pink for my momma, and my thoughts went to her every time I wanted to give up (which happened a lot). 

Faith. Hope. Family. That's how we'll get through this. 

Me after the race. Exhausted but happy!

Blessing #115: To Be My Mother's Daughter
To be at home with my momma right now is a blessing. This past summer, she showed me the true meaning of grace through her actions when she lovingly devoted her life for a time to taking care of my ailing grandmother (who was not always good to her). Watching her selflessly give up her own bedroom and bathroom, bathe and clothe my grandmother, feed her and love her, I thought to myself When it is my turn--when my mother needs me--I hope I am ready to give it all up to be there for her. This was my chance. And I did it. What a blessing to be able to give back to my mother (even in this smallest way) for all of the time, love, support, and help she gave to her own mother (and always to me). I am so blessed... to be my mother's daughter. She is a jewel of a woman; I can only hope to be half as graceful as she is someday. 


♥