Ineffable

Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable, let's prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself and see if we might not eff it after all. 

Life is ____. Pick a word. Pick a sentiment. Ultimately all words are equally inadequate. Life is truly just inexplicable. Given our situation, we classify life in different ways: great, crazy, blessed, overwhelming, wonderful... The list goes on. I think, though, that those words don't really describe life. They describe us. We describe life in the context of ourselves and how we're feeling. Our feelings do not define life; we would be wise to remember that. 

The word I'd pick to describe life right now... ineffable. But in the spirit of Douglas Adam's quick-witted wisdom, I want to wrestle the ineffable itself and see if I might be able eff it after all. I have been feeling quite overwhelmed by many happenings in my life recently. School has been busy, I haven't carved out enough time for rest, friendships have been tested, as previously mentioned I got an unfortunate blast from my past, and I just miss my family tons. In spite of all that, some amazing things have been happening, as well! Since I've been pathetically inconsistent about posting blessings, I'm ready to try to make up for lost time. 

Blessing #31: Tiglet

I am so blessed... My roommate and I dressed up as Tigger and Piglet for Halloween. Following the celebrity couple name mash-up trend, I christened us "Tiglet." We had a blast! School was wonderful; my students loved my costume. I performed the Tigger dance many times that day. Unlike last year, I was prepared for the Halloween party madness, and things ran very smoothly. The rest of the weekend was equally fun; we had a great time out with friends.

Blessing #32: Visitors

I am so blessed... Tuesday night a friend from college was in town for business and we got to catch up over dinner. What a wonderful reminder of how glorious my college years were. I was blessed then to be surrounded by amazing people who worked hard, were involved, but still had tons of fun! I am thankful so many of us still keep in touch even after graduation.

Blessing #33: Candy

I am so blessed... Halloween means candy! I love candy in all its forms. Powdered sugary kinds (pixie stix and fun dips), the hard kind (jolly ranchers and lollipops), the chewy kind (starbursts and laffy taffy), and of course, the chocolate kind! I even love candy after the sugar coma kicks in and I begin to feel queasy from lack of unprocessed, natural nutrition. Oh, candy. 

Blessing #34: Today Goals

I am so blessed... one of the best ways I have found to motivate my students is with our Today Goals. Each day, I write the lesson goals for the day (there are usually 4-6 goals). At the opening of each lesson, I reference the goal(s) for that lesson and we talk about any new words we need to know in order to achieve that goal (a great way to intro vocab). When closing the lesson, I refer back to the goal and either have the students perform a task to prove that they have met the goal, or, at times, I ask them to self-assess and share whether or not they have reached the goal. If we have, then we get to celebrate (I keep a list of all the cheers, chants and fun dances/gestures we do together) and one student picks a way to celebrate. It really keeps them invested in each lesson because, let's face it, they are so young that I can't always expect them to be intrinsically motivated. Certainly that is part of my goal for them, but I also understand that I have to start training them to prioritize learning, and sometimes that means motivating them extrinsically. 

Blessing #35: Picture Text Messages

I am so blessed... my mom sends me the cutest pictures of things that happen at home. The dog in his Halloween sweater, my dad being goofy while handing out the Halloween candy... Just life. Those text messages make my day! 

Blessing #36: Lunch and Cookies

I am so blessed... one of my most challenging students from last year seems to have made a place for me in his 8-year old heart. Last night I made some cookies to share with him, and today we had lunch together. He talked to me about life (which isn't that great) and while listening to him, I realized how much I admire his ability to withstand it all. Maybe he doesn't know any better; regardless, I don't think I could survive a walk in his shoes with my sanity in tact. I hope he knows how much I care about him. I think he does. He wistfully said multiple times during our lunch, "I miss being in this room. It was a good place to be." I truly miss having him in my room. 

Blessing #37: Spirit Week 

I am so blessed... This week was Spirit Week at my school! That meant Mis-Match Day, Hat Day, and today: Jersey Day! I love an excuse to wear my Red Sox jersey to school. 

Don't forget to count your blessings. 

Much love ♥  

The Wonderful Thing...

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

If my life were a sitcom, it would definitely have a quirky title, and the writers wouldn't have to work too hard to come up with hilarious material. Oh, life.

I am pretty excited: my roommate and I came up with some excellent Halloween costumes! We are going to be Tigger and Piglet (I will be Tigger). As we put our costumes together, I found myself getting really excited! Tigger is definitely one of my favorite childhood characters, and, conveniently, the nickname given to me by a cherished friend. Halloween weekend should be fun!

My students finished taking their first benchmark tests today. Three times a year, the students in our district are tested on material they should have been taught. For my students, this is the first year they begin taking these tests on their own; in the years leading up to this, they have taken the test one-on-one with their teacher. So, this time it is a new and intimidating experience! To get them excited and invested yesterday, I gave them all a little test goody bag that contained a brand new "special" pencil, an eraser, and a pack of Smarties (because they are so smart). They were super excited! Then, of course, they started taking the test and realized that Benchmark Testing means sitting quietly without talking for at least 2 hours at a time. Yikes. They survived, though, and I am really proud of them!

Blessing #30: Girlfriends
I am so blessed... I have an amazing group of girlfriends who are there to support me, listen to me, laugh and cry with me, and ask the tough questions when I need them to. I pray that I am able to give back to them at least half of what I have gained from our friendships.

Don't forget to count your blessings.
Much love ♥

Mysterious Ways...

...not in which she moves, but in which the Lord works (in case you were wondering).

It's a long story. Let me attempt to explain it by saying this: many little revelations from the past few weeks (some of which are chronicled here in the blog) led to one giant revelation today -- triggered by an unfortunate blast from my past -- that can be summed up with one of my favorite Phoebe quotes: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black! Does anyone ever really want to be the pot in any situation? Being the pot means you've been in denial about your actions. Realizing you're in denial means that you can no longer stay there because if you do, you're even more ridiculously pathetic than you probably were before... And this time, by choice.

Personal revelations can lead to an uncomfortable feeling: shame and the resulting desire to say "I'm sorry." Ick. Which is not to say that an apology is needed in order for another person to forgive and move on; in fact, I think forgiveness is best served sans apology. It's more liberating that way. At least one person gets to walk away with her head held high. When apology and forgiveness occur simultaneously; however, both parties are free to move on without reason or desire for bitterness and anger. That's a blessed thing because while forgiveness can be given without apology, the forgiver can still remain prisoner to the memory and the guilty one is usually left haunted by the unspoken "I'm sorry," even if she doesn't realize it. Oh, the tangled webs we weave...

Once again, I find myself realizing many things far too late (sometimes, years too late). Better late than never is one cliche I would prefer to live without; however, given that I no longer have a choice and now is later, I'll make lemonade with the lemons life has hurled my way.

Blessing # 29: Facebook Friend Requests
I am so blessed... or I just have a twisted way of looking at the world. In any case, an interesting (which, by the way, is far too weak a word to describe the situation, but it's all I could come up with right now) Facebook friend request awaited me this morning. Unfortunately, I opened said email at work. Oops. I almost cursed in front of 27 children at 8 a.m. this morning. After sifting through the many issues brought to light by the "simple" request, I can now truly say it was a blessing, if for any other reason than the silver lining I was able to find. I do believe that silver lining will bring some great things my way, if I'm willing to see it through.

Don't forget to count your blessings.
Much love. ♥

PB & J

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. 

The half day was all I needed and more. Today was ch-ch-ch fantastic! (That's a chant we do in our classroom.) We did a great writing activity... to get the students excited and engaged in writing a "how-to-paragraph," I gave each group a picture of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I also gave each group a blank sheet of paper. I asked them to write everything they knew they would need and need to do in order to get that picture. After they worked in their groups, we shared our answers. Then we sat down together and wrote out everything we would need and all the steps it takes to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. To check our work, I read the steps aloud and we acted them out to make sure we weren't missing any important steps. We found some glaring mistakes and fixed them. While the students were at lunch, I typed it up and printed the paragraph out for them; I asked the students to take the paragraph home and try it with their families. We'll see what happens... also, today, we did lots of story problems with missing addends (Joe had 12 rocks. Then he went on a hike and picked up some more. Now he has 23 rocks. How many rocks did he pick up on his hike?) I forgot how easy it is to engage students in story problems: all I have to do is plug their names into the problems! They love reading their own names or their classmates names in the story problems. So simple... yet often I forget to do those little things.

Teaching is such a blessing... every day, I learn something from my students. Today they reminded me how amazing structure is; the days I provide the most structure are the days they write in their journals, "Today was the best day ever!" They are so precious.

Blessing #28: Backwards Planning
This week I really worked on my reading plans... I had been noticing that my students were struggling with comprehension; even for my students who struggle to read on grade-level, I wanted to give them strategies to use when reading short stories. I have been teaching how to identify the beginning, middle, and end of a story in a short one page text, and how to circle or underline important words. Then we have been practicing using that information to help us answer questions about the text. Today, I really saw my students being successful using those skills! The succinct, skill-driven lesson plans came from looking at the assessment for the week and breaking down exactly what my students would need to know and be able to do in order to master the comprehension skill assessed. I had lost track of how to efficiently backwards plan for reading; this week helped me get in touch once again with my inner Corps Member. (TFA lingo...) I can't wait to see how my kiddos do on the assessment tomorrow!

Don't forget to count your blessings.
Much love ♥

Half Days

Uh oh... it's been over a week since I last posted a blessing! I promise, I've had many... but from last Wednesday to Sunday night, I was out of town without my computer. Update FAIL! Tomorrow I will make up for that... for now, I have a simple blessing: 


Blessing #27: Half Days
I am so blessed... I get to spend my days with 27 precious children. Truly God's gift to me: an opportunity to do something I love every day with students I adore! However... this week, I am exhausted. I almost fell asleep while DIBEL testing a student this afternoon. Tomorrow is a half day. Even though we have professional development in the afternoon, we get out of school 3 hours early and have a 2 hour break before training starts. I see this as a blessing because I will probably take a nap during this time. 


More to come tomorrow.

Don't forget to count your blessings. 
Much love. ♥ 

Back to School...

Today was the first day back at school in a week... Boy, did I miss those kids! They have stolen my heart. I miss my students from last year dearly, but these new kiddos... we have something special, too. Many of them were eager to be in my class, and they tell me so quite often. I suspect this has something to do with the rap my class and I did last year at the talent show. Pressure's on. Now I have to think of a way for us to at least be as cool and exciting as my class was last time, if not more so. This year is going to be ch-ch-ch-fantastic in it's own way!


Everything about teaching feels so different this time around; which probably has a lot to do with my management and organization. If each year gets better and better, I imagine I'll never want to quit teaching! Spending time in my classroom was something I found enjoyable last year, but this year I find myself never wanting to leave. It's such a comfy place where I feel at home. Hopefully my students do, too. Their desks, books and groups are much more organized than they were last year, and my desk is never the disaster it frequently was one year ago. 


One of my favorite activities we did at the beginning of the year was our Malleable Intelligence activity. In order to invest my students in our Big Goals for 2nd grade (a "Meets" -- 80% -- on Reading and Math Benchmarks, as well as mastery of Math Fluency Facts and achievement of their personal growth goals in Reading Fluency), I spent one afternoon's lesson talking to them about how our intelligence is malleable. I asked them what they thought intelligence meant; many of them knew it had something to do with how "smart" you are. I corrected them by saying that when we talk about intelligence, we are talking about all the things we know. Then I told them to think about clay or playdoh; clay and playdoh are malleable. What do we think that malleable means? This got the students to say what I wanted to hear: it means you can change it, you can squish it in your hands, you can make it into different things, etc. 


At this moment, I shared with them that our intelligence, or all the things we know, can be changed just like clay; by working hard and wanting to learn, we can directly change how "smart" we are. One student raised his hand: "So, if we work hard in school, we can get smarter?" "That's exactly right!" I said. (This is where I took the teachable moment to get them excited about a quiet signal: I say Work Hard! Then the respond Get Smart! And we all yell Woo-woo! We also chant this before quizzes and tests.) Finally, we got to the really fun part: watching our brains grow! I gave each child a sponge capsule (the kind that expand from vitamin-sized pills to different shapes when soaked in water) and a glass of warm water. "The sponge is your brain," I told them, "and the warm water is school. What happens when we go to school and use our brain?" We dropped the sponge capsules in and over the next few minutes I heard many squeals of delight and gasps: "Whoa! My brain is growing!!" That's how I got 'em hooked on school: working hard and going to school makes your brain grow! Now when we talk about why we learn different things in school, the students tell me: "So that our brains can grow and we can reach our Big Goals for 2nd grade!" So precious... 


Blessing #26: Text Messaging
I am so blessed... I love text messaging! I know lots of people complain about the impersonality of it all, but I really enjoy the art of text messaging. Makes you really think about the words you use; whatever you say has to be succinct enough to convey your intentions in 160 characters or less (otherwise, the recipient may not get the entire message if you have different service providers). In a world where people can oftentimes be verbose and ambiguous, it's nice to use a form of communication that to some extent doesn't allow for that. Of course, you miss the biggest part of communication and understanding: tone and body language. Still, I think text messages are pretty nifty and a decent way to communicate. (Plus, it opens the door to be in communication with more people than you would otherwise; you don't have to be best friends to text message someone. Another way to connect with more people, I say!)


Don't forget to count your blessings. 
Much love. ♥ 

Pie and Bizarre Sensations

A bizarre sensation pervades a relationship of pretense. No truth seems true. A simple morning's greeting and response appear loaded with innuendo and fraught with implications. Each nicety becomes more sterile and each withdrawal more permanent.

How intriguing... I find it to be true. The moment someone finds a new meaning in my life or heart, everyday nuances and interactions become things to analyze (and, in most cases, over-analyze). What if "Hello," is really just a greeting? Ah, life would be so much simpler. What I have to wonder is... does this phenomena occur only to girls? Most girls I know do that. Not being a male, I wouldn't know if guys do that, too... but I imagine some, if not most, might. Maybe it's more of a human-thing than a guy or girl thing. Either way... How complicated things get when we start trying to attach new meaning to them! 


Blessing #25: Pie
I am so blessed... Mmmmm, pie! Pie is wonderful for many reasons. One can justify eating pie as "not too unhealthy," by choosing fruit pies. Although, I don't feel a need to make excuses for eating pie (or really anything I like that "isn't good for me") because, really, as far as I know, I'm only gonna live once and I am going to enjoy the pie while I'm here! Pie is also wonderful because unlike cake and other desserts, you can eat it for breakfast! It's not too rich or sweet. Mmmmmm, pie... 


Don't forget to count your blessings. 
Much love. ♥ 

What If...

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

What if we could do those things? Wow. What a world this would be...

Yesterday, the Nobel Peace Prize was given to President Obama. The expected uproar ensued. What bothers me is that it seems some people are directing their frustration at the President. I mean, it's not like he nominated himself... And we certainly can't expect him to give it back. I can only imagine the commotion that caused in the White House; if anyone understands how potentially damaging this could be, I would assume it's the President. Talk about a future PR nightmare! What if he doesn't accomplish "enough" to have earned this award? And what would be "enough?" As if he didn't have enough to live up to before... In my humble opinion, there are other issues we should be spending our time discussing, such as: the economy, education, health care, the war... Need I go on?

Blessing #24: Fall Break

I am so blessed... just when teachers (and students) are feeling that 2 month rut kick in, we are saved by Fall Break! It couldn't come at a better time in Arizona; the weather is just getting beautiful here! Though I did not end up spending most of my time here, instead I went to San Diego! Short recap: Wizard of Oz + Woodstocks + Glee + Coronado and the best ice cream sundae ever + Point Loma + Fro yo + Apples to Apples + Jim and Pam's wedding on The Office + Julian + Pie + Oktoberfest + 90's music + Bagels + Eddie Izzard + lots of fun pictures + friend time = perfect mini-vacation! I return to the desert feeling relaxed.

Don't forget to count your blessings.

Much love. ♥

Timing Isn't Everything

But sometimes,
We forget what we got,
Who we are.
Oh who are are not.
I think we gotta chance,
To make it right.
Keep it loose,
Keep it tight.
Sometimes we forget who we got,
Who they are.
Oh, who they are not.
There is so much more in love,
Than black and white.
Keep it loose child,
Gotta keep it tight.


I've been thinking a lot lately about timing. Sometimes I think we blame timing for situations that don't work out the way we want, when really, the situation was wrong from the start. By "we," of course, I mean me... I'm just hoping you'll agree. Regardless, I think it would behoove me to stop my lame attempts to fix every little thing. Some situations really are just broken and fixing it isn't an option. That gets me to wondering, though... How do I know when I can or cannot fix something?  Not that I believe in truly lost causes, but I do think that at a certain point, I have to be willing to let go and accept my own inadequate power over any person or situation other than myself. Really, I can only take responsibility for me. Once I know I have done that, there is nothing left to do but wash my hands. I'll have to start listening for that still small voice that gently whispers: "Let it be.." I think we ignore that voice sometimes -- at least, I know I do -- in favor of noble attempts to right situations we deem wrong, even if deep down, we know there is nothing to be done. Where is the wisdom in that? 


Which reminds me of something a friend said on his blog: Wisdom comes from understanding that the build-up of your knowledge might have a theme, a pattern, a main idea if you will. Yet we are to quick to amass our knowledge into a pre-packaged theme that you might find in a fortune cookie or a Hallmark card. We rarely let the theme show itself or work itself out, and rather we are quick to label and judge our experiences and then further categorize them. I find this strikingly humorous, sad, and endearing all in one. It represents a perennial flaw of mine and yours - impatience. In my own ridiculous impatience, I fail to listen to that still small voice, which would impart to me the knowledge I need to handle a situation if I would just listen. Instead of choosing to listen and be wise, I constantly find myself choosing my own knowledge (which I can readily admit is limited and very naive) and acting on it. Silly girl. Will I ever learn? I hope so... As I sit on the floor with my laptop and a glass of water, I raise my green plastic cup and propose a toast: Here's to wisdom and learning to wait patiently for that still small voice. 


Blessing # 23: IMEEM
I am so blessed... The internet is rapidly providing more interesting, simple and instantly-gratifying ways to listen to music. Case in point: Imeem. On this website, you can browse many genres and artists and create a playlist (Quick Mix) of music you currently want to hear. You can save the playlist if you'd like, or just close out of it and make a new one next time you go on the site. A basic membership is free and you can even listen to entire CDs! Unlike Pandora, there are no commercials (though I doubt that will last long), and if you'd like to purchase the song(s) you're listening to, the site takes you to iTunes. How cool is that?! I find it to be the perfect combination of radio, Pandora and iTunes. Love that site... 


Don't forget to count your blessings. 
Much love. ♥ 

Deep Cleaning

Change your thoughts and you change your world. 


The last couple of days have been spent deep cleaning different areas of my life: my apartment, my classroom and my mind. Cleaning the apartment was the most thoroughly exhausting and satisfying. My dad helped me fix our vacuum and after tearing the poor machine apart and ultimately deep cleaning it, I must have vacuumed our place at least 5 times yesterday. And twice today. And probably first thing tomorrow morning. Vacuuming = peace. Cleaning my classroom was not as challenging as it was last year during Fall Break; this year, "cleaning" basically meant organizing a pile of papers I had not yet filed away. Otherwise, my classroom has stayed very clean and organized so far, which has been wonderful. Deep cleaning my mind and my thoughts has been a lot more time consuming than I would have expected, but still absolutely necessary. It felt a bit like opening that closet where you've just be stuffing things and when the door is finally pulled open: CRASH! Everything just comes tumbling out. As overwhelming as that felt at first, ultimately, I got to reorganize all of my jumbled thoughts and feelings and put them away (or throw them out). That felt incredible. 


Blessing #22: Cleaning
I am so blessed... the physical act of cleaning one's immediate environment is... well, cleansing. There's really nothing as exhausting or liberating as getting on your hands and knees and scrubbing away. Vacuuming is probably my favorite part of cleaning, but I also really love doing dishes. I love to clean! 


Don't forget to count your blessings. 
Much love. ♥