Lately...

...I've been working on anticipating moments when life will get too overwhelming, resulting in an urge to cry out UNCLE! and throw my hands up in defeat. All too often, I find myself wishing I hadn't said, "Sure, I'll do that! Yes, I'll help!" In all my effort to give as much as I can to all the people and causes I care about, I stretch too thin; it seems less effective to be committed to so many situations that, ultimately, no one gets 100% of me. Attempting to foresee how much will be too much helps me to keep my life from being overloaded with obligations.

Which means that I have to say no. No. No, no, no. It's amusing that the simplest, most intuitive word -- I think "no" is a lot of people's first repeated word -- becomes so hard to say the older we get. Ah, to remember the power and thrill of saying "No." Now... to say no is a burden; I'm so narcissistic to believe that my saying no will result in an epic meltdown of all things sane and right with the world. I mean, really. Who am I to think that I have to do everything? I should be grateful to have any gifts to contribute to the world at all, let alone value them so highly that I can't say "no" for fear that if I don't do it, the world will simply implode. Or, heaven forbid, someone might be annoyed with me.

That's really the problem. I don't like to think of anyone out there disliking me. So sad. So very, very sad. For someone with a decent idea of what her priorities should be, I don't actually prioritize very well. And, I still don't act very well on these moments of realization. Tomorrow I'll probably say yes to something I shouldn't, yet again, because I'm scared someone might get upset, annoyed, or potentially like me a little less. So weak. Good thing that in my weakness, there is Someone stronger who offers grace.

Blessing #97: Love Notes
I am so blessed... by a love note that wasn't even written to me! Confession: a seven year-old might have stolen my heart today. Completely. M was looking dapper in his suit today, and as he left school to walk to the Rec Center, he asked me to put a card he was working on in his folder on his table because he forgot to deliver it. As I walked back to my room, I read it, of course! The words that made my heart flutter: Dear A, I have loved you since the first day of school. Awwww. It was so touching; I'm so used to the messy, dramatic "love" lives of people my age. Something about that simple, sweet, whole-hearted adoration just made me melt. It was poetic. I am very thankful for how completely children love. They love without consideration for "appropriateness." Grown-ups make such a mess of things that should be simple and true. I am blessed to be surrounded by children who constantly remind me to look at the world their wondrous way; it's much more exciting and honest. It's the world I want to live in.

♥