Flipping the pencil

No one can go back and make a brand new start.
Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.


As I watch my students write during our Writer's Workshop in the morning, I constantly remind them not to waste their time erasing. The last couple of days I have been thinking about how that applies to life, and in particular my life right now. I shouldn't waste my time trying to erase things that have already been written in my life-story. Rather, I should spend my time focusing on what is happening right now so that I do not lose track of where I want to go eventually. Going back and trying to erase something that has already passed distracts my focus from what I'm doing right now and from thinking about were I want to end up. I need to flip my pencil around and keep on living instead of constantly stopping. 

Blessing # 17: Silent Bear
I am so blessed... We played the most simple, engaging and downright fun game in my classroom today! In a variation of "Silent Ball," we played "Quiet Bear." My students and I stand in a circle, and I start with the teddy bear. The point of the game is to throw the bear from student to student without talking or saying out loud who we are going to throw it to. The students must be absolutely silent and watch the person with the bear; the thrower must make and maintain eye contact with the person they want to catch the teddy bear. If you talk or drop the teddy bear, you have to sit down. I was shocked at how quiet they were! At the end of the game, there were 3 students left standing with me. Interestingly enough, those are the three quietest, most reserved students in my class. I took the opportunity to talk to the kids after the game about how eye contact is an important part of paying attention to someone. The entire rest of the day, they were constantly staring me down and watching my every move. I love teachable moments!

Don't forget to count your blessings.

Much love ♥

Justice and the String Family

When other people make mistakes, we seek justice.
When we make mistakes, we seek compassion.
The lesson is to give to others what you seek.


Oh, life... That quote is convicting. I understand it, yet I struggle to live it out... Especially at times like now. Justice is easy to demand when you feel someone else is wrong. I can't always be right, and that means extending compassion particularly at times when I really don't feel like it. I would say that my life motto is a combination of the Golden Rule and Ghandi's ideal: "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Right now I really need to be able to treat others as I want to be treated, but in selfishness I'm wavering. I'm amazed at how it never seems to be easier to live my life in a way that honors who I am... In fact, I'd say it seems to get harder the more I understand the kind of person I want to be; I suppose the greater conviction I have about my ideals and values, the more I have to actually honor them by living them out every day. Once again I say: Oh, life... 


Blessing #16: String Section of the Phoenix Symphony
I am so blessed... Today the String Section of the Phoenix Symphony came to my school to perform for the students. They were enthralled and I must admit, I was as well. What an amazing talent to be able to play an instrument like that in sync with other musicians! I never realized how beautiful a sound could be produced by just that section of the symphony orchestra. 


Don't forget to count your blessings. 


Much love. ♥ 

Tail Chasing

There is a story told about a dog who discovered that happiness was in his tail. He kept trying over and over to get it, but all he could do was run around in circles. Exhausted and frustrated with this endless pursuit, he eventually stopped. And then he discovered that if he would just go on about his life, it would follow him wherever he went.

Isn't that the truth? I can completely relate to that dog, as I'm sure you can, too. You can't chase happiness, you can't try to hold it in your hands and you certainly can't make happiness for someone else. As much as relentless pursuit is fitting and called for in many areas of life, when it comes to happiness... The more one tries to chase it, find it, hold it, or create it, the more elusive it becomes... Because, really, happiness is being present. Dwelling on the past or focusing on the future only distract you from what is going on in your life right now, and how can you be happy if you're unable to actively participate in your life at this moment? I guess we should stop trying to get happiness and just be happy.

Blessing #15: Cell phone ringtones
I warned these would not always be particularly deep or inspiring... I am so blessed. With the advent of actual song clips as ringtones, one does not have to settle for a series of computerized beeps and blips to alert a phone call, message, or alarm. I am particularly thankful for this in the morning. I use my cell phone alarm to wake me up so that I do not have to be jolted out of peaceful slumber by an obnoxious beep beep beep! Rather, I am gently lured from my dreams by Bach's Minuet in G. Mmmmmmm... how lovely. A small blessing that really sets the tone for my day. 

Don't forget to count your blessings.

Much love. ♥

Never be that for you

It's amazing how some songs just say things better than I ever could. If you've never listened to Matt Wertz, you should... he's amazing. Last February I got to see him in concert here in Phoenix; it's one of my favorite memories!

I'm not made of gold
Thought I told you so
With your hopes so high
I'll tell you one more time
You'll hear me if you try

I could never be that for you
I could never be that for you
I could never take your cloudy skies and make them blue
You keep on telling me I light your day
You're hanging on to every word I say
I could never be that for you, that for you

Put it on the line
Wear it on your sleeve
It's up to me now
But I'll never make your broken heart begin to beat

I could never be that for you
I could never be that for you
I could never take your cloudy skies and make them blue
You keep on telling me I light your day
You're hanging on to every word I say
I could never be that for you, that for you

I can't be your everything
I can not make things right
I'll tell you one more time
Maybe you'll hear me if you try

I could never be that for you


Blessings # 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14: H & J, K, A, L, E, C, N
I am so blessed... This is not an episode of Sesame Street and I am not thankful for various letters of the alphabet. I am thankful for some particularly amazing friends and their protective love. It is important to surround yourself with friends who care deeply enough for you to help you make decisions you don't know how to make. Picture yourself as a small child creating a line of plastic toy soldiers in front of you: That is what I mean by protective love. In order for your friends and family to protect you, you have to let them in first. Once you do... they will be there for you no matter what! Sometimes you might not want to hear their advice, but it's always advice coming from a place of protective love. I am so blessed by my amazing friends and family and their powerful protective love. 


Don't forget to let people in and allow them to shelter you with their protective love. 


And don't forget to count your blessings. 


Much love. ♥ 

Back and forth

Impromptu blessings. For a day that found me feeling down a few times, there were so many blessings to count! 


Blessing #4: CM
I am so blessed... my friend CM reminded me this evening why my desire for a DeLorean may be slightly misguided. So not only would a DeLorean be cool, but a crystal ball as well. Going back would be great except if we went back, we would not be who we are today. While sometimes being who we are today is not the most fun experience, it is who we are and it is what makes us each interesting and unique. Having a crystal ball would make life more simple. We could then prepare for what is to come. I don't want to see very far; for instance I do not want to know how I will die. But, I would like to see where things are going and whether or not doing certain things now will make it all worth it. I'm still holding out for the DeLorean. Perhaps we're both a little misguided... isn't it the unknown that makes life worth experiencing in the first place? Reminds me of the movie Stranger Than Fiction... the protagonist realizes that his life is being narrated (well, actually, dictated) by the author of his story, and he struggles against always knowing what happens next and feeling as though he has no choice. I suppose a DeLorean or a crystal ball would ultimately rob us of the power we have over the present. That's not something I really want to give up, I suppose... although, at times, I will wish for the chance to gun that car to 88, and that's ok. 

Blessing #5: Telephone pictionary
I am so blessed... that game is exactly what it sounds like. Instead of whispering a word or phrase around a circle, each person playing comes up with a phrase, writes it down and passes it to the left. The person on their immediate left has the job of drawing a picture to represent the phrase, then they pass it to their left, and that player must try to decipher the phrase shown by the illustration. This continues until each player ends up with the pile of cards showing the multiple representations of the original phrase. Hilarity ensues. Playing that game with good friends is especially wonderful.

Blessing #6: Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake
I will not even try to describe the decadent and delightful deliciousness of a peanut butter chocolate cake. Words would fail to adequately express the experience of eating such a dessert! So I'll just leave you to imagine...

Much love. ♥

At the bottom of the sea...

I should be working, of course... Most of the time, I should be working. Right now, though, I need to stop and count at least one blessing. For my own sanity.


Last night, someone asked me what music I like. I was asked this a couple of months ago, as well, and quite honestly, it is a question that irks me for many reasons. One being that I have a hard time actually answering, because I feel like the question has many different answers depending on my mood, my current situation in life, etc. Another reason is that most people seem to use those answers to make assumptions/judgments about others; I'm not really sure that the kind of music you like says much about you other than what kind of noise you are willing to put up with at a given moment... Maybe that opinion comes from a desire not to be judged or pigeonholed by others based on my music preference. Really, what do you think you know about me from that information? How much will you base other opinions on me off of what radio station I typically turn to? I feel that I've ranted enough about that for now; in any case, What kind of music do you like? is not one of my favorite questions.


Even though I cannot honestly say what my "favorite kind" of music is, I can say that I love music. Particularly, I love the many associations I have with certain songs... Hearing a specific song for me is like smelling a familiar smell or looking at a photograph. Instantly I am flooded with many memories -- good or bad -- and a glorious feeling of nostalgia. So maybe my favorite music is music that makes me remember moments, places and, most importantly, people. Which is probably why my iTunes library is filled with so many incomplete albums and single songs; I really just love music that reminds me of my life. 


Speaking of iTunes... The great thing about putting your iTunes on shuffle is that, much like Forrest's box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. I find at times this is also the bad thing about iTunes shuffle, which I guess would also be true for the box of chocolates. You never know if you're actually going to get something you'll like because much like food, what you like can change and other times you don't really know what you like or dislike until you've had an experience with it. Shuffle also means that you never know when you might hear a song that brings back memories. That brings me to blessing #3, which in some ways is linked to the reason I started to count my blessings and also to wanting a DeLorean...


Blessing #3: "A-Punk" by Vampire Weekend
I am so blessed... iTunes shuffle brought the song "A-Punk," by Vampire Weekend into my afternoon. For me, that song brought back a plethora of memories about the last few months in Phoenix because I was introduced to the song by one of my "people" here (my friend uses that term to describe the people she feels closest to, and I would definitely say that applies here). Movies, restaurants, Tempe, baseball games, dinners at a friend's, gchats, birthdays, teaching, inside jokes, nicknames, deep conversations, not-so-deep conversations, movie and TV show quoting, "I'm On A Boat"... basically my life here the past few months and the "people" who have been integral to making my life here so blessed. 


Don't forget to count your blessings. 


Much love. ♥ 

Doc Brown, Can I Borrow the DeLorean?

Though it is Friday and the Teacher Coma has definitely kicked in, I can't quit blogging my blessings on only the second day! Here goes... 


There is a scene in the movie Knocked Up where the two main couples are sitting around a table in a fancy restaurant. One thing leads to another in their conversation and the men discuss how they would love to borrow Doc Brown's DeLorean. I'm gonna throw you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88. I completely understand that sentiment. I would like to borrow Doc Brown's DeLorean. It would be great to say that there are no regrets, only lessons learned, but that would be dishonest. I regret plenty of things. Am I thankful for the lessons I've learned? Absolutely. That does not change the fact that if I could go back and do some things differently, I most definitely would try to change the outcome. Alas, I have no DeLorean... only lessons learned. Moving forward means being present, which for me right now also means counting my blessings, so that they do not become curses. 


Blessing #2: Zumba
All-knowing Wikipedia describes Zumba as A workout [that] mixes body sculpting movements with dance steps derived from cumbia, merengue, salsa, reggaeton, hip hop, mambo,rumba, flamenco, and calypso and Salsaton. The routines feature aerobic interval training with a combination of fast and slow rhythms. It targets areas such as the glutes, legs, arms, abdominals, and the heart. A Zumba class is typically not formulaic in that instructors often add on their own music choices and choreographies to make their class presentation locally unique. Today I took my first Zumba class. After bumbling through many of the moves for almost an hour, I came to this conclusion: in order to be (or feel) successful at Zumba, one must either be a) a good dancer or b) unafraid to make a fool of themselves/able to laugh at their own misfortune. Unfortunately, I am not a good dancer. Fortunately, I do not take myself too seriously and I am able to laugh at my own misfortune. Zumba was a blast! (Side note: I am now a member of L.A. Fitness. What?!) What a blessing to be able to have fun while also keeping your body healthy. 

Don't forget to count your blessings.

Much love. ♥

Blessings Ignored

I said I would update...

At times I find myself envious of those who can pick up and move on with life. I am a wallower. Often I get so consumed by my wallowing that everything else in life comes to a complete halt. No longer can I see the many blessings that occur daily; all the focus is on what I am lacking. I was thinking about that this weekend during an almost 8 hour drive back to Phoenix after a whirlwind 1 1/2 day trip home to California. All that time also allowed me to consider why the need to wallow is so strong... As much as feeling sorry for myself seems appropriate or justified, in the end, it keeps me from being the person I really want to be. Then I stopped for gas at a station in the middle of the California desert just before the Arizona border. As I pulled out my credit card and thought about my recent pay cut, a bunch of other papers fell out. One was a fortune I saved from the cookie at a Chinese restaurant a few weeks back. It read: To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.

Wow.

I know some people don't believe in fate or serendipity or divine intervention or whatever label one might give that kind of coincidence, but I absolutely do believe. That fortune jolted the memory of a quote from a book I read this summer, The Alchemist. In the story, a merchant tells the young boy on a journey to find his Personal Legend that Every blessing ignored becomes a curse. There is so much truth in those 6 words... At another point in the story, I was struck by this: When each day is the same as the next, it's because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.

After paying for my gas, I got back in the car and started driving, still pondering the idea of blessings ignored becoming curses. Knowing that I needed to be more aware of the blessings that happen in my life every day that the sun rises, I was trying to think of a way to create accountability for counting my blessings. In another serendipitous moment, I remembered the plot of a movie I recently saw: Julie & Julia. Julie decides to cook all of Julia Child's recipes in one year and to keep herself accountable, she commits to blogging about it daily. In the spirit of The Alchemist and Julie & Julia, I am going to commit to blogging about at least one blessing -- however big or small -- that happens in my life every day. Please keep me accountable, friends... I need this. Hopefully you'll enjoy them, too! I can't promise they'll be enlightened or deep, but I will post them. If I don't make myself acknowledge blessings, I will continue to wallow in the past instead of being present.

In review... Fortune + The Alchemist + Julie & Julia + 8 hour drive = A Blessing A Day on my blog.

Here goes...

Blessing #1: Treasure Maps

I am so blessed... at my school, there is a 5th grade teacher who has taken it upon himself to create a fun game with my class. In his room, he has a cape, plastic pirate hook and pirate hat. Occasionally he would put them on and walk by my classroom or by my students in the hallway, sending the kids into fits of laughter and plastering perma-smiles on their precious little faces. This week, he kicked it up about 1,000 notches. While we were at lunch and recess, he went into my room, leaving behind a drawing on our whiteboard and a paper treasure box containing a letter. The letter informed me and my students that he would be hiding pirate treasure somewhere in our school -- would we be the ones to find it? Each day, we get another piece of the treasure map in a little paper chest hidden somewhere in the classroom. We got our first piece today. After gluing it onto the map holder, we followed the path we had and made a prediction about where the next piece would send us... My kids are so thrilled! It makes my heart happy to watch them so excited. That's my blessing for today... Treasure Maps.

Next time, more about my classroom, I promise! I'll end with saying that the second year of teaching is a completely different experience than the first! While I miss my students from last year more than I ever imagined I would, I love many things about this year so far.

Don't forget to count your blessings!

Much love. ♥

Update soon...

I am so bad at updating this blog; I'm sorry! Family and friends, I am updating tonight! :) Until then...

Each of us experiences life in our own context, but for all of us there is a struggle to balance the reality of life with our needs and our dreams. Perhaps the most difficult thing of all is to value our life and who we are, and to direct our life in a manner that honors it...

So true. ♥

Finish Line

Wow. I meant to update sooner, I really did! Life happens, I guess... 

5 weeks. 5 weeks left. 5 weeks left in the school year! I only hope I have taught all that I need to teach my students. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I've done enough. It's a question I cannot answer though; not truly. I feel that I've done all I can, but is that the same as doing enough? I used to think so... TFA instills such a sense of urgency, though, that I often find myself questioning that belief. 

Speaking of TFA, I do not know how I would have managed to teach this class of students in this place, with as much success as I have managed to attain without TFA. Teach For America provides so many resources and avenues of support that I wonder how any teacher makes it through their first year any other way! 

My kiddos amaze me. Recent favorite quotes: 

"That [Terra Nova] was easy. Because you know all that stuff on there? We learned it in class."

"An objective is something you can say at the end of the lesson and it will be true!" 

"I don't want to go to 3rd grade and leave you, Ms. Lamontagne." 

"So, which one of you has a crush on me?" 

"I heart you so so so much, you fool." 

"Ms. Lamontagne, how do butterflies have babies?" 

Well, they don't have babies like people, they lay eggs. 

"No, like, how do they HAVE the babies, Ms. Lamontagne. Like, how do they MAKE them?"

Um... I am sure we can find that answer in one of our books on butterflies... 

I am really going to miss these kids next year. I cannot imagine having another class of students next year! As much as I am excited to be better at all of this - and I know that comes with time and experience - it will be strange to have another group of children in my room! I am sure they will be as great as this group, but they will not be the same... 

I guess that's all for now... 

More to come! ♥